so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
