The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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