been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
