life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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