I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
pray to the hookup gods
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
