you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
we're so committed to being not committed
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
