Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
