i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
where are you?
Hypothermia
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
