If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
