She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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