I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
