my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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