I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
