i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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