just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
