so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
