his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize