and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
