you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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