I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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