Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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