Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
