I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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