I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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