my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
