just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
