so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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