So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
