i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
