it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
