Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
