She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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