I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
