She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
