It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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