she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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