you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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