I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
