she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
