You're my little dorito
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
