How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
