I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I love having hate sex.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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