I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
