he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
