I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
