Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
