it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
