VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
