Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
