He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
only you would photoshop your dick
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
