she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
