I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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