I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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