I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
